Finally in charge of an orchestra, thanks to good old Ativan
When I heard about this blogsite, I wanted to share my experience with Ativan with everyone, as I think that this medication can help a lot of people with problems that might seem insolvable to them. My story is not one that is too exciting or anything like that, but it can be educational for some people and it may help a lot of people deal with their anxiety and panic demons.
Namely, for years I have been a violinist.
I have played in all the local orchestras and I even got a job in one of the major orchestras in my states. And I never had any troubles going out on the stage with my colleagues and playing. I guess it has to do with the fact that I was just one of the many and that no one is paying any extra attention to me.
However, I suffered an injury doing some DIY and I simply couldn’t get my hand back to the health that I needed for professional violin playing. I thought that everything was over and that I will never work in music. However, I then decided to get into the program for conductors that is not exactly like college, but which gives you enough knowledge to conduct local orchestras.
So, I enrolled and I finished it. Soon enough, my first concert was up and for the first time I was an individual who gets all the looks from the audience. I realized that everyone is looking at me and I started shaking like a twig in no time. I felt as if I could hear every single voice in the audience and the room started to spin. I lifted my baton and I saw it shaking so much that it almost started to look as if made from rubber, you know that illusion.
Anyway, I managed to stumble through that concert and I immediately went to my shrink to ask him what the hell happened, as it was a very scary episode, not only annoying and preventing me from doing my new job, but genuinely scary, like something from Terry Gilliam movies.
Not pleasant at all. And then my doctor told me that I suffered a panic attack and that I should try Ativan, the medication that he often prescribes in cases when you only need to take it on special occasions, like concerts in my case. He also told me that it will probably reduce the chance of future panic attacks occurring.
So, the next time I was conducting, I took my prescribed dose of Ativan and I cannot tell you how much it helped me. Once more, I was enjoying the music, really enjoying myself. I felt like Tom from Tom and Jerry when he conducts and has the time of his life.
With Ativan I was Tom, really getting my dose of music enjoyment. Since then, I used it a couple more times, but to tell you the truth, I haven’t had a panic attack in five or six concerts. I can only guess I have Ativan to thank.